so confusing

Just came back no long from OU...
yeah, I dont think I wanna go there anymore...

these days, many things just happened in a blink of eyes...
I just couldnt figured it out actually,yeah... many stuff in my mind actually..
guys, sorry I never told u bout anything... I just dont feeling to...
I dont think Im alright these days...

today's Sunday, 2 weeks since that day...
wow.. see that? Time really do passed so fast than I thought
actually, how I wish now next week or sooner would be graduation day...
I kept had it in mind now...
Im so desperate for "something"...

I, always take things for granted..
and I just know how to remind people to appreciate but I didn made it myself...
I felt such a failure in me, I never be grateful when I had that thing...
now what for I wanna be sad and desperate bout it now?

U know, I wonder whether promises were made to be break?
I dont know myself either...
sometimes, u just made it becuz u never thought of whts happening next, dont u?

seriously, Im really soulless like my friend told me last 2 days...
I dont have any direction to head on now...
Im standing right at the junction... confusing and thinking where am I suppose to go...

I dont know, I really dont know what to do...
I felt this since last 2 years ago, and I thought I'll be fine no matter what happens..
but now I dont know what am I really up into... pls, tell me!

"Everything will be fine..."

yeah, I always tell this to others.. but why isnt it working on me now?
I wonder why...
yeah, I really want to smile like I used to be...
I talked less these days.. in short, I am unhappy and confusing these days...

Maybe now, whoever who's reading this will tell me...
"dont worry, time will make u feel better...give yourself some time!"
I know, I know it will... but the inpatient me now just wish now I would get rid everything

I always wish time will get frozen for some reason...
I dont get what's in my mind now...
I thought I would be better and calm down myself...

Im so stress... Im so tired... and Im so lost of senses of whats correct and wrong
sometimes, people should accept the facts...
things had already happened would never turned back...
I hope things just get better and better now

Its almost the end of July now...
3months 4days to graduate...
I wish its 3hours 4minutes instead...

I dont think its worth having all this thinking in mind actually...
what am I searching for?
what am I fighting for?
what am I struggling for?
and what am I thinking all these while?

*I start to hate myself...